Things about me you don't know

I have the hardest time getting a sense of familiarity or friendliness with people. I often am haunted by the feeling that people look down on me or disapprove of me or dislike me. I don't know how to read people. I read in to the slightest little things. But on the other hand, then I look at the big picture and I think I must be instinctively right that people don't like me because I have so few friends and people in all different situations in my life show a marked disinterest in me. For example, in college I was a loner and even though I tried really hard to socialize, I never made any friends. The friends I did have drifted away or just didn't seem to value my friendship very much (they didn't call me very often, they didn't ask me out, they would only sometimes accept my invitations, etc.) Then when I joined a church, I tried to be involved and it was basically the same thing. I served a lot. I went to fellowship meetings, etc. But after 7 years in the same church, I only have 1 or 2 friends to speak of. And they almost never call me. I call them and make invitations but they are usually unavailable or too busy.

It could just be a symptom of the times. People are just too busy/stressed/preoccupied to place much value in other people.

But I always get this weird feeling like I rub people the wrong way. I'm just out of step with the world. It's not a spiritual thing, or that I am special and different. I think maybe I just have that personality to be alienated or out of step. My values are a lot different than most people and I think about and care about things that most people might not be interested in.

Maybe I'm just so selfish and self absorbed that people can't handle me for very long. That's a possibility. I started going to a new church and I noticed after attending for awhile that the Pastor made mention in his sermon how we should make an effort to show interest in other people and ask them about themselves. I wondered if he thinks I am that way. I do talk about myself a lot. Mainly it's because I have a hard time knowing what to ask people. When I ask people about themselves, they might say one or 2 things and then just stop talking. I get tired of feeling like I am interviewing people. I feel like if they aren't inspired to share, then I can just keep talking or say something more. Conversations are tiring. I do make an effort. But I try to entertain people, I think. Because I'll do a bit of back and forth, but then I'll tell a little funny anecdote or make a joke, or whatever. I think perhaps I try too hard. And what is the point because it's not like I'm winning over people by doing this.

I would love to be able to be silently friendly, and when I do speak, I say something very appropriate and comforting to the person. But that's just not my style. I'm not that sophisticated. I just say whatever.

My husband has told me that he thinks people don't like talking to me because they see that I am too perceptive and they feel like they are being "seen". Or maybe he means "scrutinized". I am curious about people, but maybe I look at them weird when I am talking to them. I really don't know. I should carry a hand mirror with me and whip it out and see what I look like when I am looking at other people. But that would probably weird them out more!

I just honestly don't sense very much goodwill from other people. I can honestly say that there are exceptions to the rule. There are some really warm people I know. But I don't see them very often. I should give them a call. Or send them a card and just let them know I appreciate their warmth and genuine caring. It might come across as odd because I haven't talked to them in a few months. Since I changed my church, I really haven't had a reason to talk to the few people I did appreciate. But that doesn't mean I can't reach out.

I wish people were kinder. I really do!

I was reading about "Asperger's Syndrome" recently. Maybe I have that. It's a really mild mild form of Autism that has no intellectual deficit (you might even be gifted) but you have a lot of problems socially. I am guessing that I don't have that because I was actually very coordinated as a kid. And my handwriting was pretty good. But I remember always feeling socially out of step. Looking back, I was a pretty good looking kid. There was nothing really different or wrong with my appearance. Yet I had a really hard time in school and was picked on a lot. Mainly I felt it was because I was nice to the 2 girls in school that everyone else hated. So I was astrocized because of it. But anyhow, I was reading about Asperger's Syndrome and they were talking about how young Aspie's can get social training as a part of their education. This one program in San Jose is teaching the young kids to make "mental file cards" for each of their friends, so they can remember specific things about individuals. I assume the purpose is so that they can remember to ask, "How did your dance recital go?" and "I brought a twinkie in my lunch because I know you like them, here have this." I am just assuming. I really have no idea. But I was thinking that maybe a lot of us can use the "mental file card" system with friends. I think I'll work on that!

the dreadful seattle trip! but it was GOOD

Well, I have been home for awhile but I am getting better from a dreadful flu that I came down with shortly after arriving in Seattle. My daughter and I were sick the whole time we were there and we had to stay a week longer to get better from ear infections before flying home. It was a really scary experience to be so sick when far from home. The irony is amazing. My mom was amazed. She said that she can't remember the last time we got sick, so it is so weird we would get sick on this vacation. And it's also terrible because I can't really afford to vacation, so I literally haven't been on a trip in years. So this was my one chance to have a real vacation and my daughter and I were dreadfully sick. Sometimes things happen like that. It feels very fated, or should I say cursed! But I know we were really OK. The saddest thing for me was losing my voice because I had brought some of my favorite hymns' lyrics with me. I knew I would not be able to go to church, probably (since my friend is not a Christian), and I wanted to have my Bible, my devotional, and my favorite hymns. But I couldn't sing since my throat hurt so bad I could hardly swallow. So I just read the Bible and wrote in my paper journal.

The worst aspect was being afraid for my daughter. I didn't have a car up there and a lot of the time, I was left alone with my daughter all day. I didn't even have a phone since my friend uses her cell phone as her line. I had borrowed my mom's cell phone but since I was out of state, I couldn't use the phone or it would cost 75 cents per minute.

I had nowhere to turn except to God. And it did feel like my whole life was whittled down to just me and God. I was quite a baby about it all. Yet God was speaking to me, and I was finally able to have that perfect opportunity to talk to my friend about God. You see, all week long, I was asking God what I could say to my friend. And all I could think of doing was to be as loving and kind as possible, every single minute. Even though I was hurting and scared and severely ill. I just kept washing baby bottles for her, and cooking food for her every day, and cleaning the apartment. I tried to be useful every single day, no matter how bad I felt or how much I wanted to collapse in to a ball of quivering flesh.

Then on like the last day of the trip, when I was feeling like a useless failure for not finding any opportunity to talk to my friend about God, then suddenly my friend started asking me questions about Jesus and faith. And I just let it all shine forth. I answered each of her questions, and I made sure to explain why atonement with God is the most important matter in a human life. God is supremely wonderful...

I have no idea if she will accept Christ. It appears not. But the important thing is that someone who loves her told her all about God and what she chooses to do with it is her responsibility. Some day, she is going to die. I just hope and pray that before that day comes, she makes the most important decision she can possibly make. By Grace, we are able to make that decision. I am so glad to see that God's Grace is at work in her life, because I saw that God was working in that situation, leading her and getting her curious about Himself.

Now my latest issue is that I am super late on my period so I am worrying about being pregnant. I know that being ill can delay ovulation, therefore delaying the period. So that's probably all it is. But it's weird to be worried about yet another physical thing.

Today, most everyone I know is sick. So I am staying home, feeling lonely. I have nothing to do and my hands don't feeling like knitting or crocheting or doing anything really. So I feel like a big lump, a very lonely lump. But I know that I just need to turn away from these thoughts of my self and think of better things. I'll probably finish the dishes and get something cooking for dinner. I love cooking. It always soothes me to prep ingredients and smell something good cooking.

Seattle here I come!

I can't believe it but a friend of mine wants to see me so bad that she is willing to pay for me and my daughter to fly up to Seattle where she lives. I am so amazed! I'm going to pay for part of the fare, because it's hideously expensive. But I was so overwhelmed by her generosity. I haven't had a vacation in a million years.

I'm trying to figure out if there is anything I want to do in Seattle. There really isn't! I can only say that there is one place I have been wanting to visit ever since I saw a t.v. program about it: Woodland Park Zoo. I saw this t.v. program that showed they have grizzly bears there. On their web site, they say they are "brown bears", and that the kodiak bear is one type of brown bear. so I'm not really sure what they have exactly. But I want to check it out. Other than that, I think we are planning to go see the local countryside. And we'll go see the first Starbucks and hopefully find someone nice enough to take our picture together without running off with my camera! But I really don't know of anything else I want to do in Seattle. I will definitely contact my cousin Ruth and see if she wants to drive down to the city and have lunch with us, or maybe she'd like to go to the Zoo or the aquarium with us. She has 2 daughters who I believe are teens now.

Mainly I just want to see my friend who I haven't seen in 3 years. She has a baby now. I'd like to help her move in to her new place and also start eating healthier. We'll cook a lot of healthy food and pack some whole grain lunches. Maybe we will go get our hair done or something girly like that. It should be fun.

I'm just grateful for the opportunity to see her. I think I need to go have a good cry. In a happy way!

October 1st To-Do List

In No Particular Order, a To-Do List

1. Clear off and clean desk
2. Clean off the top of the changing table
3. Assemble more KASSET boxes and think of what to put in them
4. Call and cancel WW monthly pass
5. Put all photos and photo albums in the new cabinets
6. Figure out how to store the purses and bags and totebags that make me insane!
7. Wash out the inside of the microwave and clean the glass plate.
8. Throw out chicken stock and wash pot

sunshine smiles on me this day...

Exciting things are happening. I won last weeks Getting Loopy contest! Getting Loopy is an interactive online radio podcast all about crochet, by a crochet designer and all around expert in crochet, Mary Beth Temple. I listen every week now, although I don't have the free time on Monday nights to log in to the chat room while the radio show is happening live. That's where the real fun is, from what I hear. The listeners get to chat while listening to the podcast, and ask questions so Mary Beth can ask the guest. The prize I won was a free download of one of MB Temple's patterns and some sock weight yarn to make the item. I chose the Field of Flowers scarf! I'll make it for myself and nobody can take it away!

I also won a contest on ravelry's "Crochet Bouquet" group. The author of "Crochet Bouquet", Suzann Thompson, offered to send a bag of yarn scraps to the winner of a contest to come up with ideas for making stamens for flowers. I was the only person to offer an idea for the month of August, so I won by default. I thought that was very kind of her to be willing to still send me some yarn scraps. Her scraps are probably a hundred percent better than my full skeins. I look forward to seeing what comes!

Ravelry has been a lot of fun. I didn't expect to win anything, but it sure is wonderful to see people who love their craft promoting it and having fun little contests.

I also feel like I won because I found some used craft books for really cheap on Amazon. They should be arriving in the mail any day now! I'll wait to share that here. I'll have photographs of some of the best pages!

Excited about my brother's birthday!

I just heard that my brother Chris has a fever so I am hoping that he'll get better before this Sunday and that the rest of the family won't fall ill too. I am totally jazzed about the birthday gifts I got for him. Since he doesn't know this blog exists, I feel pretty safe to talk about what I got him.

1. Thunderbirds 40th Anniversary Collector's Edition Megaset (all of the episodes on 12 discs plus extras bonus features) (I'm happy to notice that I got it for $30 cheaper than it is currently listed as on Amazon!)
2. King Kong vs. Godzilla/King Kong Escapes (2 TOHO Japanese monster movies, very campy but fun)
3. Some new shirts and a pair of pants (boring but necessary stuff)

I'm not sure if they will locate the missing cake pans to make the batman cake. In that case, I might just bake something super chocolately and yummy. I'll do simple decorations in all choco frosting.

Christmas officially starts in October for me!

I was writing a message on the frugal homemakers group (ravelry) and I got to thinking about something funny. I was talking about how wonderful my home is now, after 2 weeks of decluttering, organizing and cleaning. I am starting to get that wonderful feeling of looking forward to the holidays. And I remembered a funny episode from my life. Here is what I wrote (but I didn't actually post this there. I decided it would be better for my blog since it's personal):

"I'll keep working and maybe I'll just decorate for Christmas early, like around Halloween. I did that a couple years ago, and then the apartment manager happened to stop by in the second week of November. She was laughing and remarked about how early I decorate for Christmas (since it was before Thanksgiving, and people traditionally start decorating _after_ Thanksgiving!). I didn't have the heart to tell her that I put up the decorations on Halloween! Because I was stuck home alone and feeling lonely as the only Christian I know that wasn't observing the evil holiday. (Kinda being facetious here, ok! Just a joke.)"

I think I'll make this an annual tradition since we never have Thanksgiving dinner at my house. I suppose that if I were entertaining people in my home for Thanksgiving, I wouldn't want to spoil things for them by having the green and red stuff out. But I simply ADORE Christmastime. And I remember really enjoying getting in the spirit really early. I think I'll do that again since I always end up alone on Halloween. It seems like ever since I got married, my husband has always worked October 31st. I used to go over my parents' house. There is a chance I might actually do something this year since Halloween is on a Friday this year. I thought about maybe taking my daughter over to my brother and sister-in-law's house since they live in a really nice old fashioned neighborhood in Burbank where the kids still trick or treat. In fact, someone does a haunted house across the street, so I think things are pretty busy over there on Halloween night. But let's just put it this way: I'll have to invite myself! Which I am not shy about doing. But I just haven't gotten around to it yet. And a part of me says, no...just stay home and decorate for Christmas. Lonely little Christian lady...stay home and decks the halls...

What do you think this is?

Answer: Iceland. Isn't it fantastic? I have seen other equally intriguing aerial photographs of iceland. I wanted to post this because recently, on ravelry, someone added me to their friendslist and their name is a town in Iceland. It reminded me of some really amazing photographs I saw a few years back.

Chris' Birthday

My brother is getting up there, but I'm still making him a batman cake for his birthday. Yeah, I know...sure he's over 40, but he's still a kid at heart.



I need to start planning this! The cake pans are lost in the garage somewhere. And I don't know if I have all the ingredients. I believe I do have all the dye, but maybe I need to buy some black gel dye.

Ikea UNG DRILL Frame

I've decided that I have to have this frame

to put some of my poppies and leaves in it

starting your own small business

I've been wanting to start my own small business for a long time. But I am a little scared because I don't want to have to keep track of money and stuff like that. I guess I'd rather just be a hippy about it, and sell things for cash and just pocket the money. But I need to be legal and if I am making over a certain amount of money, I know I have to declare it for tax reasons. So I guess I'm going to keep it in prayer and just start keeping my eyes peeled for the information about how to have a small business out of the home. I want to sell my hand made items, whether that be crochet, knit, soap, greeting cards, children's toys, etc. I guess I would also like to sell my cake decorations, such as my royal icing flowers (and hopefully I will teach myself to make gumpaste flowers too!)

I have a couple of ideas for a name. I think that to get started, I need a storefront type website with pay pal, and also I need to get a rubber stamp made with my store's name and/or logo. Then I might like to have a P.O. box too.

I wonder what I would need to do to get started? Would I be able to do this small scale at first without any insurance or would I have to get insurance? I met a girl at a Wilton cake class who had a cookie business and she bought insurance for like $300 a year. It's just a protective measure in case someone sues you.

International Crochet Day (9-12) Bracelet

I wrote my first pattern for an "International Crochet Day Bracelet"!







Pattern for free (you can even use this to make items to sell at craft fairs!)

First of all, I apologize for how poorly written the pattern is. I have never written a pattern before! It's such a simple little pattern that I am assuming that you will be able to do it. If you are a total beginner, don't worry if this sounds wonky. It is and I'll hopefully rewrite it later today after I have thought about it more.

Gauge is not important. Use any yarn or thread you want, and the appropriate hook for your choice of yarn/thread. Actually, use one size larger hook to make the starting chain. Then switch to your proper hook size.

Chain a length that will fit a little loosely around your wrist. Add 5 chains.

Rnd 1: Crochet into fifth chain from the hook. (You are creating a chain 4 that stands for the first double crochet, plus adding a chain for the first eyelet space). *double crochet in next stitch, chain one*. Do that across until you read the final stitch that you can double crochet in. If you end up with an extra stitch, don't worry about it. You can either unpick it. Or you will just cover over it when you edge the bracelet (this will make sense when you get to the end of your chain!)

Rnd 2. Turn, slip stitch in chain 1 space. Slip stitch in to first double crochet. Make a chain 3 picot [A chain 3 picot is this: chain 3, slip stitch in third chain from hook.] *Slip stitch in next chain 1 space, slip stitch in next dc, make a chain 3 picot* Do this across until you reach the second to last double crochet. Then do the following: slip stitch in dc, slip stitch in chain space following it. Then do 4 double crochets on the side of the bracelet (you are at the side, or should be. You are just working around the side to get to the underside of the bracelet, then you'll work more picots on that edge). When you finish the underside the same way you did the first side, then you'll nearly be done. At that point, you do the same thing in the second to last double crochet: you slip stitch in to it, then slip stitch in to the last chain 1 space, then single crochet four times in that space. Join to the first stitch. Cut yarn and weave in ends.

Weave a ribbon or perhaps a crocheted length of chains through the eyelets. Tie on your wrist and show it with pride! Happy International Crochet Day!

p.s. Here is my original post about "International Crochet Day"

p.s. p.s. If you would like to learn to crochet, here are some crochet video tutorials! Feel free to ask me if you need some help!

Why today is a good day

1. I woke up feeling great, like I got a sound night's sleep.
2. I don't have a pain in my shoulder anymore (I think I got it from an overly goofy joyous aroebics exercise session the other day!)
3. I ate awesome healthy whole foods: chicken with a homemade teriyaki sauce, sweet potatoes (plain!), and green beans. I snacked on fat free popcorn and diet soda which have been my main indulgences. Oh, and some ff/sf pudding.
4. My daughter has been in a great mood. Yesterday she whined a lot for some reason. But she got a great night's sleep and now all I hear is giggling and babbling.
5. I got some great emails from an old friend! Pics!
6. My husband gave me some "big hugs" and my daughter squirmed her way in the middle so we had a whole family hug before he left for work.
7. I'm actually tackling some monumental foolishness in my kitchen (I think I heard Neicy say that in my head!) I created a challenge on a forum that I moderate. So I am feeling a little more optimistic that I can tackle this.

Sept. Mumsy Crochet Along from "Crochet Bouquet"

I haven't started my mumsy yet! I tried starting it once and I got really OCD about it, so I had to quit. ;-) There are a zillion repeats in this flower. But it is really cute when you're done!

Poppy Crochet Along in August 2008

I made 2 poppies! Here is the first one I made:

embroidery book by nora hana 1975 amsterdam

embroidery book by nora hana 1975 amsterdam
Originally uploaded by superminx

Maybe it is actually embroidery. Here's the book they are from, I think!

embroidery book by nora hana 1975 amsterdam

embroidery book by nora hana 1975 amsterdam
Originally uploaded by superminx

Here's another example of the embroidery on fabric which looks a bit like crochet slip stitches.

Embroidered Table Runners

Embroidered Table Runners
Originally uploaded by superminx

I think this is amazing. I just wanted to remember it as I am trying to figure out if it was done with crochet. It looks like surface stitches of slip stitch.

I'm serious! I'm going to make a big change!!!

Yesterday I was convicted of my utter lack of discipline and organization in the home. I think that I am a great wife and mother because I sincerely care about my family's needs. But I always feel like I am scrambling to do what I need to do because I am disorganized and undisciplined. Here's the low down:

1. Too much clutter: makes it hard to get tasks accomplished fast.
2. Too much clutter: can't find things when I need them.
3. Lack of planning: leads to last minute decision making and trying to figure out how to get it done (time waster)
4. Lack of routines: I just suck at that!

So I'm praying about this today, and I am going to dedicate time to tearing it all apart and putting it back together again. I need to come up with some plans (meal plans, routines for the day, etc.) I also need to just roll up my sleeves and tackle some clutter.

Pray for me! This is something that really makes me feel "ICKY" when I face the issues.

International Crochet Day

REMEMBER the 12th of Sept. this year is "International Crochet Day"!

To celebrate the day try one of the following:

~Crochet in public
~Teach someone to crochet
~promote International Crochet day in your blog
~wear something crocheted made/bought with pride

I found that information on the internet. I would like to add something to this. If you are going to buy crocheted items, always buy from someone who actually made the item. Most people don't know this but unlike knitting, crochet can not be done on machine. So when you buy inexpensive crocheted items from stores like Target or Walmart, please know that those things were made by some poor person in a poor country, and they were paid pennies for their work. It's not very nice. I actually get sad when I see a beautiful crocheted bag or hat in the store and it has a price tag of $2.99!

So let's raise awareness and do it in a way that honors crochet as a wonderful craft that must be made by human hands!!!

really angry cat photograph

I thought this was really funny. If you visit this web site (and laugh, chortle, then scroll down the 80's knits photographs), you will see a picture of a cat who has been encased in a knitted sarcophagus (for lack of better term!!)

pretty boise photo

For my friend who lives in Boise, Idaho

Caroline Ingalls Shawl - and itsa mai birthday too!

Caroline Ingalls Shawl - medium
Originally uploaded by susanlikesrats

Well, here it is. I finished it!

In other news: I'm so tired from this long July month. It feels like I celebrated my birthday all month long. My husband's birthday is in July too, earlier in the month. So we start the celebrations early in the month, then celebrate our "combined birthday", one weekend in the middle of July. Then I always end up celebrating my birthday again at the end of the month. Yes, I am cheesy like that. So now I am totally burned out on my birthday, but in a happy, fuzzy brained way. I'm just trying to get caught up on all the dishes. I cooked a whole bunch and baked a cake, so I could use my skills to bless other people. (That's what I try to do every year for my birthday). It's just a big huge gastronomical excess. But that is one of the things I like to do, so i do it.

giant granny afghan; caroline ingalls shawl

giantgrannydetail
Originally uploaded by susanlikesrats

I finally posted pictures of my first completed project since starting ravelry. It's a super giant granny afghan, and I made it by crocheting 4 giant granny squares, then slip stitching them together and adding on a fancy edging. It was a stash buster, using up a lot of the acrylic yarns I had accumulated, plus many colors I had been given (2 different women donated their entire yarn stashes to me, comprised of acrylic yarn solely).

I wanted to mention that I am finally putting the tassels on my "Caroline Ingalls" shawl. It's not a perfect match to the shawl that the actress wore on the t.v. show, but it's inspired by it. And it makes me feel like a pioneer woman when I wear it. So that is what counts. I hope to be able to take some pictures soon. Maybe I'll dress up as a pioneer woman and have my husband take my picture with it on! (Note to self: Hair in bun, wear a stiff white shirt, throw on shawl, and remember to not say cheese or smile).

I still have to pre-shrink some fabric before I embark on my first sewing projects. Why am I paralyzed with nervousness? Why haven't I started sooner? I have all my necessary sewing doodads, plus my machine is out on my work table...

Crochet Bouquet: Columbine Crochet Along

I'm late in starting this, but the July Crochet Along for the book, "Crochet Bouquet" by Suzann Thompson is the Columbine. I'm going to dig through my yarn stash today and make a lovely columbine! Yay!!! I have been wanting to make these flowers for so long but I had to wait to buy the book until my birthday, which is in July.

Canon PowerShot SD1100IS

Canon PowerShot SD1100IS
Originally uploaded by DigitalCompacts.com

I'm thinking about buying a new digital camera. I need it to be fairly inexpensive but take good pictures. I found this camera after searching online for the most recommended "point and shoot" cameras. This one seems popular. It's kinda cute too. I'm loving the brown one. It's called "bohemian brown" which suits me. I wonder if I might do better with my pesos if I shopped around a little more. It's always a little nerve wracking to make a choice when it comes to technology.

cute baby room!

april 2008 014
Originally uploaded by ohkimma

I love this girl's style. Her daughter's room is awesome. But I wanted to remember this baby afghan and pillows set that she made. I might like to make something similar for my daughter. I would like for her room to be special too! I suffer from indecision and never actually get around to decorating. We have quite a few cute items saved up, but they are all in disarray. Perhaps it's time to pull it all together and decorate the girl's room!

sewing bug bit me, big time!

I'm back! My health was pretty bad for awhile there. The docs never did figure out what was wrong with me. But it was a great motivation to improve my diet and get some exercise. I'm eating mainly whole foods which is so energizing and good for you. So now I am feeling energy again, and I find myself drawn to create things. I'm currently crocheting a baby blanket. But I have 3 books coming in the mail, as a birthday present to myself. I ordered:

Lotta Jansdotter's "Simple Sewing: Patterns and How-To for 24 Fresh and Easy Projects"

Jocelyn Worrall's "Simple Gifts to Stitch: 30 Elegant and Easy Projects"

Suzann Thompson's "Crochet Bouquet: Easy Designs for Dozens of Flowers"

I was so excited to see that Suzann Thompson is having a crochet bouquet-along for her book! That was total inspiration to buy her book, which I had been wanting for a long time.

I bought some fabric on sale at Joann's. And I cleaned off my work space. Now I just have to find my sewing machine in the closet. I think it's way up high on the shelf behind some boxes of books. So I'd better get my man to help!

Another book that I want is Amy Karol's "Bend the Rules Sewing", but I can't afford to buy more books right now. But I found the pattern online from her book, the one for the adorable baby bibs. I was so happy because this is actually the pattern I wanted to try first from her book. Joy!!!

Another book I have my eye on is

Amy Butler's In Stitches: More Than 25 Simple and Stylish Sewing Projects

There are just so many cool sewing books right now. Same goes for crochet. Is there a renaissance taking place with women and handiwork???

ravelry and remembering things I used to enjoy

One of the things I am enjoying about ravelry is the sense of community. I feel like I keep meeting old friends, yet these are people I just met. They have so many similar interests and "issues" (most are women, many are mothers, and a good number of them just like similiar things). It's really cool. I am remembering things I used to like but don't do much anymore. I want to resurrect these old parts of my personality. Such as: keeping a paper diary & writing letters & writing fiction & stuff like that. I miss that. I stopped most of all that either during college or immediately afterwards. I was an English major and by the time I finished, I had the desire to write completely destroyed in me. I didn't even want to read for pleasure anymore. I was just burned out, big time. I feel like a decade later I am finally ready to start again, and this time not for a grade or to get attention or to feel approved of or validated as a person. I just want to write for writing's sake.

baking today, and watching bad t.v.

I was seriously thinking about baking a cake today because I have a recipe I want to try: a sour cream chocolate chip cake from Great Cakes by Carole Walter

But then I thought, "Hey, nothing beats peanut butter cookies when you want to munch on something sweet." I normally do not bake for myself. I usually only bake when there is an occasion with other people present to eat up the goodies. Because I don't think it is a good idea for me to be alone with sweets. But recently, I have been feeling sorry for myself and just thought I'd do something nice to enjoy all alone.

So I guess I'll wait until a later date to try out this cake recipe. I know that the yellow cake from that book is awesome because I made it for my daughter's 2nd birthday. But I want to try the sour cream cake recipe, and use the variation where you add grated chocolate just before pouring in the pans. I bet it looks and tastes wonderful.

Today I am all alone again. Nobody wanted to do anything with me. Everyone is sick. The weather changed and it's overcast and gloomy outside. I guess I have a weird mood as a result because I decided to watch an episode of the Outer Limits (I have the first couple seasons on DVD). It was called Corpus Earthling. This was such a strange episode, In fact, I have decided that because it is Ultra-Bizzaro, it is my favorite. Although O.B.I.T. was pretty strange and therefore interesting too.

my day was okay & my night is dynomite

Today was a good day. I cleaned, played with my girl, baked peanut butter cookies, and then spent some quality time with my husband when he got home from work. He made me feel so good because, before he went to bed, he kissed me and said "wonderful cookies!" It's amazing how good something simple like that can feel.

I decluttered my workspace, an IKEA dining table pushed up against a wall with some shelving installed above it. This has been a bugaboo for me the past 6 months or longer. The table had been packed solid with clutter and I had not the heart to touch it. But flylady gave me a boost and I found myself zooming through it tonight. Now it's all clear and I feel sooooooo good about it.

Tonight I worked on a "Vintage Vertical Stripe" afghan. It's such an easy pattern, it's almost embarrassing to admit that I am making such a thing. But I want to say: This pattern rocks for watching t.v. You can literally keep your eyes fixed on the screen and just work it by feel. I have never had a project where you could really watch t.v. while doing it. So this is my favorite for keeping "on the side" when you have something to watch on t.v. that you really want to pay attention to.

My plan is to start my Caroline Ingalls shawl this weekend. I have been wanting to make one for a couple years now but I never seem to have the right yarn. I also tend to put other people first and always be trying to make good on promises to make things for people. I love that. But this is going to be a shawl for me.

You know what tickles me? My husband has decided to go back to school, so he is taking a couple classes in the mornings at our local community college. One of his classes is English 101. And what tickles me is that he is writing the nicest essays. I think that he is going to turn out to be a writer. I think he will discover, after all the hard work, that he actually enjoys it. I love seeing what he has written. He's putting his thoughts to paper and talking about personal stuff. The teacher (a female teacher, btw) has assigned some topics that get him going in to personal memories. The first lesson is to write a narrative. It has actually made me want to start writing again. I thought my time in college had destroyed all my desire to write. But I remember the good part of it too.

silly late night thought about spam email

I got a spam email which I didn't bother opening because it had the name "baba gana kinebe" as the sender and the subject line said something like, "help me get my money out of africa".
But anyhow, I thought it was funny because when I was deleting it, I thought, "They are totally giving people called 'baba gana kinebe' a bad name!" I mean, how am I ever going to trust someone named baba gana kinebe?

Sadly, there is some truth to it. I believe that nobody is going to have much trust for emails coming from Nigeria ever again.

back in the saddle again!!!

I am finally feeling better. My most recent illness (a head cold) is finally going away. I'm still sick, but yesterday and the day before were the most severe days. So in comparison, today I feel faboo. So tonight I was able to get my dishes all done, clean and sanitize the sink and counter, and pick up all the mess in the front room. I have hope that tomorrow, because I got the basics done already, I will be able to make progress on the deeper cleaning that needs to be done. I hope to also start implementing step #2 of the flylady babysteps. All I feel I have done so far is DAY 1: Shine your sink.

My friend is about ready to have her baby. It's kinda exciting, although I am sad that she is so far away. She is in the military and she is in Kansas right now (Fort Riley).

My husband is due home very soon. I believe that he is bringing me chocolate. So I have a feeling of impending yumminess.

I got my daughter to bed in a very pleasant way. We read books and then I held her and sang rockabye baby. Usually she is not very cooperative when it is bed time because she fights sleep so much. But she was a good girl tonight. Perhaps it helped that I engaged her in our nightly clean-up. She knows that mom isn't sick anymore and is back in the saddle!

I am stuck in limbo with my Christian Artisans craft-along. I am about ready to start something, but I can't make my mind up if I should make a knitted log cabin afghan or a crocheted vertical vintage strip afghan or a crocheted flower swag (for lack of better descriptive words) or a crocheted Caroline Ingalls shawl. Today, I went through my acrylic yarn stash which is basically a bunch of acrylic (various types, mainly RH Super Saver, Caron One Pound, and old vintage stuff that I inherited from my husband's mom). I wound a bunch of it in balls. I figure that I have so much of it that I can safely use some of it while still making some bags of yarn balls for teaching seniors to knit/crochet. I am going to call the convalescent home tomorrow to make sure that it is OK to bring in hooks/scissors/needles/yarn. I'm only going to be teaching one lady to start. Her name is Purita and she has diabetes and rheumatoid arthritis which at the moment is not flaring up. She has already lost one of her legs to diabetes, from the knee down. And her eyesight is not that good, but she can still see fairly good. She is a very sweet lady who has been unable to crochet for quite a while because, she says, that the last home she lived in told her that she couldn't have any hooks. So weird. I wonder if it was a misunderstanding.

problem with family member

I wrote something here earlier about a problem I have with a family member not liking me and actively disrespecting me. But it only made me feel worse to put it in to words. So then I realized that I should delete it because every time I visit my blog, I could possibly see it and feel worse when revisiting the thoughts and feelings. So perhaps it is better left unsaid. *sigh*

ravelry is so much fun!

You know, after I first joined ravelry, I was thinking of quitting because I noticed a couple discussions that really disturbed me. But I realized that when it comes to online communities, you can choose what to focus on. So then I just looked for good discussions and explored all the patterns and projects. Now I am loving it. I don't expect people to stop being people. But there are some really interesting folks who sometimes have interesting things to say. I am also in awe of how much beautiful knitting and crochet is happening out there. I have only been looking at my own work, which half the time is very disappointing to me due to limitations on how much I can spend on yarn (and my own laziness of not learning new techniques and avoiding hard patterns). So it's been really cool. And I hope that the goodness continues to outweigh the badness.

Update on my blasted teeth: I had the crowns put on and I am in much less pain than I was. Only time will tell if the pain goes away completely. I have to rinse with chlorhexidine mouthwash. That's gonna be scary. I bet it tastes like gasoline or something.

thought on yarn stash; black bean soup was great

I made the black bean soup tonight and it was really good. My husband is fairly picky when it comes to food, and he liked it. I thought maybe my black beans were a little old because I can't recall the last time that I bought dried black beans. But it was good. I imagine it would be even better with fresher dried black beans.

Today I went through some of my last balls and skeins of acrylic yarn. I have a wee bit of a dilemma. I just want to get rid of it, but I can't figure out whether I should make a scrap-ghan, or if I should organize it and donate it to a lady in a convalescent home who wants to start crocheting again. If I were to give her some yarn, I know it would bless her. But I am not sure how much yarn she can store in her room. I bet her room is small, and she probably shares it with at least one other tenant. Perhaps I could get together a few balls of different colors just to give her something to play with.

I just had a thought. Perhaps I will start teaching a crochet or knitting class at the convalescent home. In that case, it would be smart to divide up the yarn in to various medium sized balls. Then I would have plenty to share with a few different ladies. I guess that is what I will work on tomorrow. I will break up some of the larger balls and skeins in to smaller balls. Then I will make some grab bags of yarn and needles. I bought a ton of needles on sale at JoAnn's last year. They are all kinds of odd sizes but I don't think that matters when people are learning, just as long as they are not too small.

more-with-less cookbook; recipes

I just heard of an interesting book called "More-With-Less Cookbook" by Doris Janzen Longacre, who wrote some frugal cooking and lifestyle books from a Mennonite perspective. I want to buy a couple of her books. My local libraries have only a copy of her book (in 3 different counties, each library system has only one copy) and they are all checked out. They must be good books to be so popular. There is a used cookbook shop right next door to my favorite Christian bookstore. Perhaps I could call over there and find out how much they charge for a used copy.

I'm seriously enjoying all the cooking lately. I made some yummy lentil soup yesterday and tomorrow I am making black bean soup. I also might try the no knead bread recipe that someone shared with me on ravelry recently.

I'm so tired but for some reason I can not sleep. I am going to go pray until I drift off to sleep.

pain!!!!

Said in Spock voice (when he did the mind meld with that giant squishy thing in the mine):

PAIN!!!!! PAIN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I am still in great pain from my recent dental disaster. I must go writhe in agony now. So I get off the internet now...

Today is one of those days!

Calgon! Take me away!!!!

This is the scene right now in my front room:

Child...2 year old child....barefoot, stringy hair, dirty face...cheerios all over the floor, pieces of half-eaten chalk strewn on the floor below the chalkboard...ripped up coloring books all over the floor...crayons strewn about the floor...clutter all over the place...mom is frazzled and sitting in front of her computer in the kitchen, on the other side of a baby gate (so as to prevent the toddler from getting near her!)

I'm telling you, I am totally stressed out by the sight of this mayhem and foolishness. But today just kinda got out of control. I need to enter the room dramatically and restore order!!!

hillbilly housewife; parent ed class; faith

I made an awesome and cheap meal using the hillbilly housewife web site. I made pinto beans and spanish rice and served it in store bought tortillas and salsa and grated cheddar cheese. It was so yummy! I'm going to try to start baking my own bread and follow more of the "so called" $45 menu from hillbilly housewife. People are generally saying that they don't think that you could buy all that food for $45. I'm going to take the shopping list with me the next time I go to my local supermarket and try to pencil in the prices of store brand or generic items.

In general, I am impressed with the simplicity and goodness of the recipes. True, some of the recipes are not to my taste. But if I can get in to doing fresh beans and fresh homebaked bread, this will be a very good thing for my family. I know it seems like a lot of work, but it just takes some planning ahead and breaking up tasks in to smaller, more manageable tasks.

This morning, I took my daughter to a parent education class which was fun. It's just a long morning of play, from 9 a.m. to 12 noon. The only bummer is that she managed to run away in to the parking lot before I could catch up to her. It scared the living daylights out of me. But I have a solution: I just won't attend the parent only discussion group. I'll stay with my kid because she is too hyper and wants to run away all the time. I hope she grows out of this stage soon! I wish I knew how to train her to stop when I call her name. Maybe I need to make it a game, with rewards. I don't know.

My crochet project fell behind my stereo, and I am too lazy to fish it out. I have some serious dental pain and need to call the dentist tomorrow morning. I guess I'll just chill out tonight with a book. perhaps the good book. I haven't been reading the Bible lately. I need God. Recently I had an experience where I felt overwhelmed by this sense of God's presence. I know He is with me and loves me no matter what. We have a relationship and I trust Him totally. But I often feel like I am lazy and lacking in devotion to God. I go all day sometimes without considering Him at all. It's like being married but you never consider your husbands feelings when making decisions, or you spend the whole day and night away without calling him to let him know where you are. I don't know. It's not really like that. Because God knows all, and there's nothing I can do to add to His glory. But I want to be more obedient. I don't use my time very well. I am very lazy. I sometimes slack off and spend the whole day in my own little dreamworld, not taking care of my home very well and even overlooking my daughter's needs for stimulation and attention. She's a good girl and will often just play with her toys by herself. But she comes around periodically and tries to get me interested in playing with her. And I just want to be left alone half the time. I have a bad attitude sometimes about the wonderful blessings God has put in my life. I could be doing an awesome job in the home, as a stay at home mom. But I often just feel unmotivated and tired.

beanbags found a good home!

This past Sunday, I visited at my cousins house and it was so wonderful. The fellowship we enjoyed was the sweetest and most refreshing you can imagine. Her husband is such an incredible man of God. My definition of an incredible man of God is to be Christ-like in humility and kindness. He amazed me with how deferential he can be to the least little person, such as a child, or me for example! I often feel like as a woman, I get overlooked or ignored when in the company of brothers at church. It's hard to put my finger on, but I just feel like people in general don't enjoy my company or just don't have the time to really talk and listen to me. But he was so nice. My cousin is as lucky in love as I am, because my husband is also really amazing like that.

Anyhow, I wanted to mention that I gave her kids three bean bags, and these kids are so unspoiled and nice, they really really liked them and were playing toss games and the older boy was showing us how he can juggle (he can't really juggle, but he pretends!) My cousin homeschools, and I can only attribute her kids sweetness and innocence to that. What other kids would like home-made beanbags? I mean, they are so simple. I was gratified to have made them. They found a home where they will be appreciated. Dumb little beanbags though they are!

granada hillbilly

I've decided to do a week of the hillbilly housewife $45 food plan. It's a lot of work since you bake your own bread and make many things from scratch, such as beans. There is no meat in the diet which is fine by me. My husband might be in shock, but I think he'll understand that it is an experiment to see if we can get by on a really cheap diet. There might come a time in the future when this will come in handy. Another great depression in the U.S.? Nuclear holocaust? Obama-nation? Retirement with very little income? Children abandon us to live on $45 a week in a studio apartment in Panorama City? There are so many possibilities. It is also just kinda neat to not waste money. We could save money and use it for something smarter. I am rather tired of throwing money away with all the take-out we get, the food that I end up not using so I have bags of spoiled food to throw out, etc.

There is only one problem with the hillbilly diet. Some of the food is kinda strange because I am not accustomed to southern food. I'd also rather use fresh greens. But the point is to learn some survival skills. So I think I'll stick to the menu precisely.

http://www.hillbillyhousewife.com/40dollarmenu.htm

beanbags; cleaning

Today I am trying to make beanbags. I want to make some simple toys that would entertain my daughter, or perhaps I can give a set to my cousin's children. Kids love simple games, like tossing beanbags through the holes on a board. I remember when I was a kid my friends had a bean bag game that was tick tack toe. But I can't remember what the board was like. Maybe it was just a piece of fabric you spread out on the ground, and then half the bags were "X" and half were "O". That's a nice, simple game.

I seriously need to clean up but I am dreading the process of decluttering. I have been feeling emotional lately. I know that I have a touch of OCD and have some hoarding tendencies. To me, my possessions, even my trash, are emotionally tied to me. I have to make decisions about every little thing to throw away or organize. It's not an easy process. I think for "normal" people, straightening up is as easy as breathing. For me, it always takes thought and effort. which is why it is always a struggle and so I work really hard to have things just half-way cleaned up. It drives my husband nuts because when he cleans, it takes him like half the time.

a rare treat for V-Day; Linzer Hearts

My husband surprised me last night when he came home from work. He knocked on the door until I opened it. I thought that was odd because he has a key, but then I wondered if maybe he had misplaced his housekey. So when I opened the door, he was standing there holding a bouquet of roses and a box of chocolates. I was so happy! Even better than flowers and chocolate was the fact that he picked out a romantic Valentine's Day card for me and wrote a nice, loving message to me in it. He really surprised me because normally, we don't do anything for each other for V-day or even on holidays.

I made him spaghetti this morning, and I mixed some dough for sugar cookies...if I can get around to rolling it out. I have some heart-shaped cookie cutters that I bought recently. I originally wanted to make Linzer hearts but I didn't get the nuts so I changed my plans. Maybe I will still make them. Look at these beautiful cookies!!!!

Griffith Park Merry-Go-Round (videos and info)

Recently, I visited the Griffith Park Merry-Go-Round and I thought it was so delightful that I want to tell everyone about it. It only costs 2 dollars a ride, per person. But you can hang out nearby for free and enjoy the music and the sight of the people enjoying it. It would be a nice place to have a picnic.

I will have pictures ready to share soon, so perhaps I’ll follow up with my personal pics at some point. But I thought I would share some info about it, and some youtube videos.

Here is a description from the Griffith Park Web site:

Griffith Park Merry-Go-Round
Park Center
(323) 665-3051

Hours
Open weekends throughout the year and weekdays during the summer, and over Christmas and Easter vacations, 11 a.m. to 5 p.m.

Description:
Located in Park Center between the Los Angeles Zoo and the Los Feliz park entrance, the Griffith Park Merry-Go-Round has been a Los Angleles family attraction for over five generations. Built in 1926 by the Spillman Engineering Company and brought to Griffith Park in 1937, the Merry-Go-Round boasts 68 horses, everyone a jumper. Each horse is finely carved with jewel-encrusted bridles, detailed draped blankets and decorated with sunflowers and lion's heads. A Stinson 165 Military Band Organ, reputed to be the largest band organ accompanying a carousel on the West Coast, plays over 1500 selections of marches and waltz music.

http://www.laparks.org/dos/parks/griffithpk/mgr.htm

It is much more fantastic in person, but you can watch some videos of the Merry-Go-Round and hear the beautiful music here:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=snWrTShcR8g

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5-5skWj4xdw&feature=related

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5eROL5wltv4&feature=related

On the above Youtube pages, you can read some pretty interesting comments about the organ and how it works, and some history of the Merry-Go-Round.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PquUCSnK0Lo&feature=related

A little blurb about Griffith Park:

Griffith Park

Go to Crystal Springs Road for the train, pony rides, and a 1926 carousel. The Travel Town Museum on Zoo Drive is fun for any kid who loves vehicles; the best picnicking is at the Ferndell entrance.
Los Feliz

Ravelry!

I finally got my invitation to ravelry. I think it's such a cool concept, and I'm excited to see how it plays out in reality. Will it be fun to use, or tedious? I heard one of my online buddies mention that she doesn't update it much because it's tedious or something along those lines. We shall see. I am the type of person who really enjoys making lists. I rarely do everything, or even some of what I write down on lists. But it is fun to think in list form. Like, I need to do 1, 2, and 3, and I need to buy 1, 2, and 3. Reminds me that recently I noticed that Target is selling some interesting organization tools for the home, such as books to write down all your projects, as well as a section of "delegated tasks" papers that have carbon copies. I guess the idea is that you can keep track of things you asked someone to do. Sounds like a fancy version of the infamous Honey-do list. I didn't buy the to-do list, but it was cool because it had 2 columns. One side for things to buy, the other side for things to do. I was thinking, "This is so great. Because everyone has things to buy and things to do." That kinda spells out the law of physical life. Must get things. Must do things. On and on until you die. I'm not saying it's a good thing but it seems to me that the To-Do list was invented the day after The Fall. So where am I going with this? Is Ravelry just an electronic To-Do list for knitters/crocheters?

I can say that I have already found ravelry to be totally intimidating. When I searched crochet projects just to see what other people were doing, I saw the most gorgeous creations. I realized that the results are prioritized based on some sort of voting system, so that the first pages of results are the things that more people liked and favorably rated. Therefore, you are only seeing the cream of the crop. It is neat though. Just intimidating if you aren't as highly skilled or have awesome yarn.

feeling sorry for myself

I am so tired but right now I have to get off the computer and go pick up the mess in the front room. My daughter went berserk and tore up her coloring book. Plus, she pulled out almost all her toys earlier and scattered them around the room. It seems like kids always know when their parent(s) are having a bad day, so they act up more and cause more trouble. I didn't have the energy to get on her case earlier and make her put toys away. I didn't drink any coffee today because I was feeling rather sick to my stomach after that horrific dental experience.

Now, I have to get off the computer and pick up...before my husband gets home from work. I fear the wrath of him. I always wish that he will be understanding when I am having a bad day. He really tries to be understanding but when it comes to the baby's toys, he gets irritated regardless of whether I had a bad day or not. So there is no choice. I have to suck it up and go pick up an impossible mess. Feeling sorry for myself...

pain pain pain!

I am in so much pain right now! I would be laying down in a quivering heap of pain if not for the fact that my daughter will not leave me alone. She's 2 years old and just doesn't understand that mom is in pain. I saw the dentist this morning and have 2 teeth prepared for crowns, which means cutting away the majority of the tooth material. I don't know if it is normal to be in this much pain. I don't have any motrin at home, which is what they told me to buy. So I took a darvocet and then some tylenol, which isn't even touching the pain. I need to get some relief. It feels like the pain when you have a bad tooth and drink something cold or hot, and get that shooting pain. But this is all the time. I think it is weird that when I was eating some pudding just now, I didn't have any pain at all. I mean, while I was eating the pudding, the pain vanished. But as soon as I stopped eating, the pain was back. Ha! Just now when I was thinking about the pudding, the pain lessened. That is proof positive that I am a food addict. My body must release endorphins when eating yummy food (and even thinking about it).

Hopefully the nerves in my jaw will calm down soon. I'll ask my husband to stop and buy me some motrin after work.

I wanted to add that thankfully the pain has gone away. Perhaps the tylenol helped reduce some swelling that was affecting the nerves. I'm not sure if tylenol works the same way as motrin to reduce swelling. But thankfully I am not in distress anymore. *whew*

a visit from the Jehovah's Witnesses; my brother's birthday

Yesterday when I was arriving home, my husband and I found 2 Jehovah's Witnesses at our door. I was thinking that I didn't want to speak with them because I had a sack of hot take-out food in my hands. But then I realized that I needed to put aside my selfish desires and speak to them if they wanted my time. So we spent a few minutes talking to them on the steps. I can only hope that I said something that might stick with them so that at some point, they will think about who God really is. I was reading online about how to witness to JW's but there are so many different opinions. I pray that God will do for these women what He did for me: give the Grace to escape the delusion and see Him as God. When I first started to come to Jesus, I had some heretical notions that I needed help in letting go of. Of course, i wasn't involved in an organization that controlled me, such as the JW's...but I still was pretty confused and stubborn in holding on to ideas of who God was based on my own preferences. God showed me that I had to rely on the Bible as the standard for truth. (A good reliable translation!!!)

Other than that, yesterday was my middle brother's birthday and we had a really fun birthday party for him. My daughter had so much fun. She was saying, "party, party, party!" and she got some plastic zoo animals to play with. She wore the sweetest dress, a very spring-y dress of white cotton eyelet lace fabric. It was sleeveless but came down almost to the feet. Totally sweet! My whole family seemed to be in an extra-jolly mood so we enjoyed the time very much. I will always remember how much I have enjoyed my family and how grateful I am to God for allowing us (sinners though we are) to have the capacity to bond and enjoy such sweet companionship. There really isn't anything to compare in the realm of human relationships, except perhaps when you marry and when you bear your own children. Blood is indeed thicker than water. I have one friend who I love like family but we never seem to go beyond a certain distance of "mine" and "yours". We never really become enmeshed as family do.

The Merry-Go-Round at Griffith Park, California

Today, I went with my parents and my daughter to the Griffith park Merry-Go-Round. It was amazing. I didn't expect to be so blown away by the experience of visiting a carousel. I believe that what made a charming carousel an over-the-top grand experience was the music from the mechanical organ. It appeared to be music from an authentic organ that had a bass drum incorporated somehow in to the mechanical playing. The music was extremely loud but enjoyable because it sounded so good. It's free to go hang out nearby the carousel but it costs $2 to ride it. I think I will plan to have a picnic near the carousel on the grass because then you can enjoy the music for free. It was Saturday at about 2:30 p.m. and it was not overly crowded which was nice. I don't normally do things like this because I don't like crowds and I tend to be a hermit. But I am trying to get out more often for the sake of my daughter. She was so happy to ride that thing. I took a lot of film on my mini-DV recorder, as well as dozens of digital pictures. I will have to update here soon with pictures. I also took a lot of pictures of the unusual and fantastical scrollwork, mythical creatures, paintings, mirrors, and the organ. Next time I go, I want to try to get more pictures of the different horses because some of them had unusual features. There was a sign on the carousel gate that explained how Walt Disney used to take his daughter to the carousel and he loved it so much, he got his idea to start a children's amusement park (a.k.a. Disneyland). The carousel at Disneyland in Anaheim california is inspired by the one in Griffith park because he found an old time carousel with all horses which he restored for Disneyland. There is nothing nicer than an old carousel, I can tell you!

Tonight, I am watching some old "Outer Limits" episodes and resting up from a tiring day. I like old t.v. shows, and I bought these sets of the outer limits because they were 50% off at amazon. They are pretty weird. A bit different than the twilight zone. The outer limits seemed to be more fixated on space and aliens, as well as government plots!

Glorious day!

Glorious day! If I were a poet, I'd write an "Ode to this glorious day". I finally got enough sleep and I feel fantastic!!!! I found the cutest patterns on the garn studio web site for baby clothes and toys. I'm going to copy their toys today. I have a bag of oddments of yarn. So now I get to go play with yarn. So much fun! I hope that my toys look just as cute. You can see them here:

Garn Studio Baby Drops patterns

Now I'm off to have some fun. Whoever you are, wherever you are: I hope you have a wonderful day.

links to friend's blogs on my blog (yes!)

YES! I figured out how to add the links to my friend's blogs. I added all the blog URL's I could find from my favorite new mailing list, Christian Artisans. I hope that this will help me get to know some of these dear ladies better.

God is a lover

How long have I been sick? I am so tired of feeling this way!!! I think I started getting sick Monday night or Tuesday morning. That's 5 days atleast and I still am in distress.

I just want to say that I am seriously considering moving to the countryside. It just sounds nice to say that. What a pleasant thing to think about. Why do I spend so much time worrying about things when I can set my mind on pleasant thoughts such as the beauty that God made. I should pray more too. God is a lover. That reminds me of a dream I had recently where I was talking to this woman I know in real life (an old highschool friend who is a nonbeliever) and she mentioned that she doesn't like the sexism in the Bible. And I went in to this rapturous discourse on how God is a lover and He is all about relationship, and how He made us male and female so that we can reflect this part of His divine nature and so we would also have a desire for the ultimate relationship...

And then I woke up and was amazed!

Shay!

Last night, my daughter did something super cute. She's only 2 years old so whenever she does really clever things, I'm just amazed by it. So last night when I was busy in the kitchen, I noticed that she had grabbed my crochet hook out of the afghan I was working on. Then I saw that she was repeatedly putting the hook in and out of the afghan. I asked her, "Are you crocheting?" She looked up with a big smile on her face and said, "Shay!" Then she kept repeating "shay" while putting the hook in and out of the afghan. I thought it was so cute. I had the presence of mind to film a little bit of it since my video camera was within reach. Someday, I will share that with her to encourage her to learn to crochet.

sick of being sick

I'm better today but definitely still sick. Yesterday I had a fever of 102 and was getting loopy. My husband came home early from work because he was worried about me. My heart was racing and pounding but when my fever broke, it went back to normal. I still have a fever but it's low grade today. I think it's like 99.5 and my biggest complaint is burning in the back of my throat. When my heart was racing yesterday, I felt a sense of impending doom and anxiety. I think that is a natural reaction to the heart racing. You feel like there is something wrong. Well, there is. Your heart is racing!

I'm going to edge my afghan today if I feel up to it. I think I found an edging I like but I'm too brain-fried to count stitches to see if it will work. You can view it here.

temptation

It is so easy to be tempted to be short tempered with people when you are sick. I need time to myself but I can't get away from my responsibilities to my daughter. So I am just suffering through this. She seems happy enough, playing and babbling to herself. You can tell she's sick because she is acting a little goofy and keeps trying to crawl all over me. I can't wait until I am better again!!!!

still sick; being a sick mom of a sick kid; discriminated against

Now my daughter has my cold, and I'm still feeling pretty bad. So this is a tough situation. I guess moms have to deal with this all the time. But it still seems to me to be an outrageous indignity. How can a person be Florence Nightingale when they feel like Phyllis Diller? I need a shower but I can't seem to make myself do it. I feel so chilly even though I'm running the heater. I wonder if that means I have a flu? I don't think I have a fever but I might have a low grade one. Need to find the thermometer. Hah. I must be delirious because I just noticed that the word "mom" is in thermometer.

You know you are sick when you don't feel like drinking good coffee! I think it's weird how kids don't get as sick as their parents do from the same cold or flu. My daughter is getting on my nerves with wanting to play. But her nose is running and she woke up a few times last night crying, so I know she's sick.

So I have officially been discriminated against. I was inquiring about renting a duplex and I was told that the manager doesn't rent to people who have kids. According to the Fair Housing Act in California, it's totally illegal to discriminate against people with kids. I was thinking of reporting the landlord but it's a tricky situation because I didn't technically hear that from him. I heard it from the current tenant who is trying to arrange for someone to take over his lease because he wants to leave early. I can't seem to get him to put me in touch with the landlord unless I make a big deal about it. He's sort of, how do you say, "gently" discouraging me from looking to rent the place by saying how small the place is, and how the manager doesn't rent to people with kids. My husband mentioned to him that it's unlawful to say that. But I think the vibe I am getting is that this guy is desperate to not have to pay rent next month, so he is looking for someone who could move in quickly (and who the landlord would approve of). I guess that what i learned is: I know what it feels like to be discriminated against and denied some necessary service.

Sick today, and a Project-Along

I seem to have a cold which I am distressed about. I hate getting sick and it always seems to happen at the most inconvenient times. I had so much fun yesterday and I feel this strong urge to get out and have more interesting experiences. I have been so reclusive for so long. But my health is telling me to slow down and be content to just take care of my family. I need to spend some time in prayer. There are so many people who are hurting or seem to need help. I will pray today and be glad for the kindness that the Lord has shown me in so many ways.

I am going to participate in a "Project-along" with some people on a mailing list called "Christian Artisans". That should be fun. The purpose is to make something for yourself. I never make anything for myself because everyone always wants everything I make. I will have to think about what to make. I was going to work on my afghan for this, but then I remembered that I am making it for my husband. There really isn't anything that I want that is crocheted or knitted. I kinda want to make some crocheted flowers to make something decorative to hang over the doorway to my kitchen. Perhaps I should work on this and figure out how to make it work. (I think I might need to use wire to keep the flowers and vines oriented the way I want?)

I guess this is a good enough idea. I don't need a scarf, hat, shawl, or anything else. I don't really know how to make a sweater, nor do i have the money. But scrap yarn is readily available to make flowers. So that will be the plan. For now, I guess!

a fun day, first day of parenting class

Today was so much fun. I've got that happy and tired feeling. Feet are aching but my soul is satisfied. This morning I went to our very first mommy and me class. It was so neat. I just love it. How much fun to see your child having fun with other kids. Then this afternoon, a couple friends came over and we had a nice time together. One of them is a new Mary Kay "Independent Beauty Consultant" and so we did her very first Mary Kay party, just the 3 of us. That was different. I'm not used to fussing with my appearance with other people watching. We laughed a lot though so it was cool. I didn't buy anything although perhaps I should have. Instead I just let my friend get all the cool free stuff because she was the hostess.

Now I get to relax and crochet. I'm trying to finish a large, queen-sized afghan that I have been working on forever. It's taking more time than I thought.

I was able to stop at Michaels craft store today and purchase a set of Susan Bates crochet hooks. I decided that I just had to have them because I'm so tired of my Boye hooks snagging the yarn as I'm working stitches. I was having a big problem when working with pompadour yarn for some baby items. I also picked up a few skeins of RH Supersaver to put a fancy edging on my queen-sized afghan. And I also could not resist buying a set of heart-shaped cookie cutters. I want to make some cookies as gifts this Valentine's Day. Corny but sweet. I want to find a spicy gingerbread recipe or something unusual. Although I have a Williams Sonoma recipe for Raspberry Linzer Hearts which are really amazing looking cookies. Perhaps I will make them.

Update on my puzzling life

There are so many things going on right now in my life. It's just a big puzzle that I can't seem to ever see where it is going. But I know that God is in control, so I have peace. I should mention that my friend and I ended up talking and worked out our problems. We agreed to unity in the Lord, and we are going to start going to a mommy and me group on Mondays. That's nice. I am so glad that it could be positive.

My mother-in-law was in the hospital recently but she is home now. And the doctors say it was just a problem with taking too many medications. So I am glad and hope that there is nothing else wrong. But that was scary!

My mom might retire from her job, and so that has my side of the family preoccupied. It's a big move on her part as she is so dedicated to her job. But she is going to 70 years old soon so I feel it's the best thing for her.

I was researching a gluten-free diet for my friend (because she thinks her daughter has a wheat allergy). And I kept running across descriptions of something called celiac disease which is a serious allergy to gluten in grains. All of a sudden I realized that perhaps my grandmother, who is norwegian, might have celiac disease. She has all the symptoms, and it appears that people from Northern Europe have higher rates of carrying this disease because it is passed genetically. Then I started to think that me and my dad have it too because we have a lot of the symptoms too. So that's started me thinking I must see my doctor and get the blood test for it. Oh dear. All I need...another health concern!

Right now I am really pushing myself to de-clutter some areas in my house that my husband has repeatedly complained about. I am going to solve some of my stash problems by finishing up old projects and actually utilizing them. For instance, I have 4 giant granny square afghans that I intend to join together so that they will be a cover for my queen-sized bed. I have been meaning to do this for a long time but procrastinated. So that has just been sitting in a trashbag and adding to the clutter problem in the bedroom. I will finish that up over the next 2 days and then I get to feel good and proud of my work.

I told my husband recently that I feel like our home is like one of those puzzles where all the pieces are attached to the board, and there is only one space so that you can slide the pieces around to rearrange and solve the puzzle. It's not a flattering image, but that is basically what we are dealing with because for economic reasons, we are forced to live in a 1 bedroom apartment. Between our things and the baby's things, we barely have room for everything. But I am determined to keep shifting things around and also to donate/toss until we have a better more harmonious arrangement.

We have lived in this apartment for more than 2 years, and we have never hung up our framed pictures and things! All the frames and junk that should be on the walls is propped up against a wall in the bedroom. This is a typical thing with us. So I am determined to either hang up things our throw them away.

I thought I would mention that recently, I joined a bunch of yahoo groups for knitting and crochet. But then I was disturbed to see that on this one knitting list, they made it a rule that you could not mention your faith. I hate that sort of thing. I know that I should consider it a blessing when people persecute me, but it always seems like this sort of thing is in the grey area of not being true persecution...but just bigotry or something annoying like that. So then I searched and found a few Christian crafting groups. I have joined them. I guess I'll just quit out of the secular lists. I am just tired of feeling like I have to avoid mentioning my faith for fear of offending people. I don't want to be totally obnoxious about faith because I don't feel that it is good if faith is not shared out of love. But on the other hand, I don't want to compartmentalize my life so that my online life is devoid of Christ. I am trying to walk with Jesus, and that includes my writing. Online stuff is all writing. It's words you put in to print. It should reflect the core of who you are. And I am in Christ. So that's my decision. I know it is a good one. Perhaps I will only quit the knitting group that has made that unfair rule.

Today I am home with my daughter. I am working on the Crocheted Nappy Cake.

Now we are to dance!!!

Since today is an "I don't care" day, I thought I might talk about something completely meaningless in the grander scheme of life. What I am talking about is "casual gaming": PC games made by Popcap games (there are other companies too). I really like the games Zuma and Bejewelled 2, but so far, I have managed to avoid buying the games and just play the free versions online. My husband keeps a pretty tight reign on me when it comes to buying games and shopping online. But I think I am at the point where I want to buy Zuma. It's so addicting. I know I'll get frustrated with the higher levels. Perhaps it has been a blessing that I only play the free online mode, so that I just keep getting sent back to the beginning to play the lower levels again. I read some conversations online about Zuma that made me laugh because people get so heavily involved in this game to the point of feeling that their lives are being wasted by it. Here are a couple of the funnier comments (but I have a weird sense of humor):

Zuma addict said: "Does this game ever end. I have decided to go to a 1000 and if it doesn’t end, I am going to delete it from my computer…it’s the only way to return to my normal life…"

then later Zuma addict says: "now I am up to level 1603 with over a billion points and nothing….I said i would play to 1000 and then it was i will play to a billion points and now….i don’t know..i need to delete it!! IT seems to me to have no end!"

And that's all there is from Zuma addict. I wonder, is he/she still out there with all the little balls rolling around endlessly?

Perhaps they never heard:

"Excellent work, mighty frog one! You obtained your lawful place of the stars, at the side of the ancient ruler of the Zuma. In the future, as for me, you are known as our sibling. I will call you brother, and we control the outer space together! It is joyous news! Now we are to the dance!"

(Words from final screen of Zuma)

I should stay far far far away from Zuma. But I am seriously thinking of buying it from amazon. I think it's only like 10 dollars.

crocheting for a new baby today

Today I am making the cutest little crocheted baby booties. They are the mary jane booties from Carolyn Christmas' "Crochet Precious Baby Booties" pattern booklet. I'm using Patons Brilliant yarn in the shade radiant red (although it seems like maybe that color is no longer being made?). It's a pretty color but now that I have time to look at it in the sunlight, it appears to be more of an orange undertone red, rather than a true ruby red. I wanted to use it because I thought it might look like Dorothy's sparkly red slippers. It's a little too orange-y. But it still looks super cute. I'm sure to finish them soon because the pattern works up so fast. Then I'll try to start making the crocheted items for the "Crochet Nappy Cake" I'm making. This is all for my sister-in-law's baby shower which should be sometime in the next few months. I haven't received an invitation yet so I really don't know how much time that I have. I bought 2 sacks of yarn yesterday. Cost almost $50 so far. I still have to buy diapers and small items to tuck in to the diapers for extra little surprises. If you would like to read more about how to make a diaper cake, you can google it!

It's a mad mad world. It really is. I can't even believe all the crazy things that have happened lately. Hmmm. Time to just pray and crochet.

a falling out, and a fresh plan for the day

What a way to start a day! I got in an argument with a friend on the phone this morning. There had been some tension for awhile due to some things that were annoying me for the longest time. I think that perhaps my friend was feeling extra emotional and stressed (perhaps because of things I said previously as well as the real life problems she is experiencing). So she kinda snapped at me, and I took the bait and told her that I have a problem with her. She ended up hanging up on me because she just refused to talk with me or listen to what I had to say (granted, I was complaining about her attitude). So now I have this feeling like I don't want to be her friend anymore. I feel like we can't have an honest and mutually respectful relationship. I find the temptation too great to resist for seeing faults in her attitude and behavior. I wish I could just be more saintly and just accept her as she is. But I find myself not wanting to talk with her anymore unless she apologizes and is willing to have an honest and rational discussion with me.

I don't want to say anymore because I don't want to reveal any personal information.

So today I am not having a visit with my friend. I thought that instead, I would work on de-stashing and also plan something new to knit or crochet. For now, I will have a cup of coffee and try to make sense of the jumble of emails I get from various knitting and crochet groups I joined!

friends today

Today I didn't hardly get anything done, but I sure had fun. A friend came over and visited with her little girl who is 3 1/2 years old. My daughter was totally overjoyed to be able to play with another little girl. They were laughing and squeeling and just having a ball. It was fun to see. I had to do the mommy thing and film a little of it.

I managed to put a couple more rows on a tunisian crochet "thing" I am making. I'm not sure what it will be, but it might have to be a bag since I'm running out of yarn and can't make a changing table mat (for a baby).

Tonight, I need to go put all my daughter's toys away. I stacked all her new toys (from her birthday and Christmas) on top of the bed to get them out of the way. And I'm going to sort through her old toys and bag up a bunch to either donate or put in storage. I wish we had more room but we don't. So we'll have to be ruthless at times and just donate a bunch of stuff.

My yarn stash is next. I hope that we will be able to make a donation this weekend. Oh that reminds me. I need to do 2 things: call my husband tonight and ask him to bring cardboard boxes home from work. They have the best boxes for packing up stuff. And I also need to make a note to myself that I must call the pediatrician tomorrow to confirm that I can drop in on Monday for my kiddo to get some shots. I also need to pack up a box for my friend because I am going to pass along some of my daughter's baby clothes (my friend is expecting and is receptive to second hands). Of course I'll enclose something new. I crocheted a really cute baby hat that matches a shirt I bought for the lil' boy.

Oh the joys of having a personal blog! The weather was really nice today. Cool and crisp; no rain; sunny. I am watching the first episode of "Keeping Up Appearances" (I have the DVD set). And today my husband was extremely wonderful to me. I can't think of anything else to record here. It was just a nice pleasant day. Although I did receive sad news about a friend of mine having a medical emergency. I'm praying for her and it has cast a sad tone on the day. I feel the precariousness of life today. I also received a phone call from another friend and learned of an old acquaintance having a myspace page. So I was able to read what he is up to and look at his current pics. It was really strange to look in on his life via a myspace page. I haven't seen him in more than a decade. He looks really old to me. But then again, I look old now too, I guess. But he does look like life has kicked him around a bit. I'm sure he's just been working really hard because he's a Phd student. I assume that would age you a bit! He has a super cute baby. It seems like a lot of people my age (mid to late thirties) are having babies now.